


New Donk City Daze

by OrsonZedd



Category: Donkey Kong (Video Games), Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Super Mario Bros. (Video Games)
Genre: Hypnosis, Team as Family, empty nest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:00:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27077647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrsonZedd/pseuds/OrsonZedd
Summary: Join the Kong Family in their last few weeks as a single unit, because when Donkey Kong's old enemy shows up, the events that transpire lead, incidentally, to their adopted family pushing out on their own.
Relationships: Cranky Kong/Wrinkly Kong
Kudos: 4





	New Donk City Daze

The overcast red sun hung low on the city skyline. Storm clouds were billowing in from the southeast, and the night was sure to be a downpour. Donkey Kong wasn't one for supersitition or gut feelings, but something didn't sit right with him. All the same he was glad to be back at his apartment building. His chemistry class had run long, with only minor student injuries to show for it, and there'd been the meeting with Mayor Wright who was arguing for more autonomy from the Donkey Kong Island government, which was something he was willing to give, but not a decision he could make unilaterally. He was just the patriarch; there were still votes in the Shrewdness to take into account, but his support would go a long way to New Donk autonomy. The city had become more and more modernized and, indeed, humanized over the last few generations, and the human to Kong ratio in the Shrewdness was so off kilter, they really didn't have the kind of representation the Kong Family found important. It wouldn't be like the Orang-Utan Gang. The followers of Pongo Kong were exiled for their violence, even teaming up with the Kremlings to commit their acts of terror. No, the Donkers would still be welcome, but there were more questions about what to do.  
New Donk City had been Donkey Kong's home for the last fifteen years, and he was taking care of five kids, though, now, they were adults and perhaps it was time to let them stand on their own. Not that he minded the company. It was always nice having someone to flex on, to prove his superiority in any arena, debate, manual labor, video games, it didn't matter.  
Owning the entire apartment was nice. It was close to work, everyone had enough space, and when he could smell his wife's wonderful cooking from the front door, he didn't have very far to go. "Jenny, what is that wonderful aroma?"  
Jenny Kong was a very modest woman. She taught children at the local school, could cook rings around anyone and was the prettiest ape he'd ever laid eyes on. "Banana parmesian. Pauline dumped Mario, so I made his favorite. He hasn't even touched it, poor thing."  
"I'll never feel love again." Mario had cried all his tears and just gone straight off the depressing part of a break up. It did sting a bit to see him this way, though. Mario was always happy and chipper, sometimes to the point of it being annoying. Usually he was the one cheering everyone else up, not the other way around.  
"Sure you will, Mario. Why, when I was a lad, my first love was this mandrill, prettiest red nose and blue butt you've ever seen. I brought her an entire heart of bananas, and she threw them in my face and bit me. Thought I'd never love again, but I met Jenny, and I never again thought of... Bitey Kong until just now." Come on Donkey, you have better fake names than that.  
"But what if I don't?"  
"Mario, focus on the things you do have. You're a business owner now," it was a very recent development, and the sign was on their apartment since plumbers tend not to need buildings themselves much. He did have a van though. All five of them had pitched in on it, and Funky had even made it run, which was something of a miracle, considering how bad the van looked on the outside.  
"I can't hold down a job. What makes you think this one will be any different?"  
"You only need one job to be your last. Besides, boxing ref, carpenter, demolitions? Those are fun side gigs, but you've got a career now. Pauline's worse for it. Next girl you meet, she'll be the one. I'm sure of it."  
"Thanks Cranky, you're right." Mario straightened himself up and began eating.  
"Of course I'm right. I might be a cranky old coger, but I'm full of good advice." He'd gotten used to the nickname by now. He didn't like it at first because his mom used to call him that as a kid, but he wouldn't be Donkey Kong forever, and there were worse names. Indeed, a Kong would likely have several names before they died, because people, the thinking went, were ever changing, so a new name could signify a new era in one's life. Donkey Kong, though, was special. That was a title for the King of the Jungle, in this case a concrete jungle, passed down from father, to son, or grandson if, like Donkey Kong, you never had a son, only a daughter. She was gone now, a victim of Kremling on Kong violence, not even a body, but Junior and Funky were like sons to him.  
"Thank the idols, man, you were really harshing my vibe, Mario." Donkey Kong loved Funky like a son, but could never understand anything he said.  
"Yeah, Donkey am glad Mario not sad no more." Sometimes Donkey wondered if he could have changed the laws of succession to someone a bit more... verbal, but Donkey Kong Jr. was a good soul. A lazy soul who would sleep through the day and play loud music at night, but a good soul.  
"That's my gimmick, don't step on my feet bro." Luigi was Mario's younger brother, like Funky was Junior's. Indeed both sets were freternal twins as well. Donkey Kong had theories as to why both sets were twins, and part of it made him wonder why Wario wasn't a twin as well.  
"It's not very fun if I insult you and you just agree," Wario was rude, crass, and a bit gross at times, but incredibly brawny and clever. While the Mario Brothers kept in touch with their parents, Wario, to Donkey's knowledge, had no parents. He looked straight up Hylian, which made Merlon finding him where he did all the more curious.   
The five of them were thick as theives, and nothing could tear them apart. On that thought, the unsettling feeling crawled back up Donkey's spine. Something was wrong, but what on Earth could it be? He'd miss times like this when they were over.

Chapter 2  
The first drops of rain plunked against the window, just in time for the afternoon news. It was the one part of everyone's day when all seven of them would sit around the television after a meal and take in the softball pieces that were just good enough for the 7 PM slot, but not salacious enough to make it to the 10 PM news.  
"...for only the third loss in Mr. Sandman's career. After the match he gave this response."  
"This ain't over, I'm 'onna be back on top. Mac betta not sleep easy."  
"Oh his victory, Little Mac's manager, Jerome "Doc" Louis had this to say."  
"Haha, boy's nearly as good as I was at his age. Never doubted him for a minute."  
"The 17 year old featherweight from the Donx is the youngest person to ever hold the title of WVBA Champion."  
Donkey Kong Jr. chuckled, "Donkey could be little man easy."  
"Oh, I dunno about that," Mario seemed a bit delighted, "I refereed a few of-a his matches, and he was a quick as lightning. I'm-a thinking I shoulda got an autograph."  
"You wouldn'ta sold it, though. You're too sentimental Mario." Wario interrupted.  
"Really, and if you sold it for a thousand coins, Wario, what would you buy?" Luigi would never fault Wario for his love of money, but he never seemed to want to do anything with it. Once he'd seen Wario's wallet, so full of bills he couldn't shut it. Gold coins were scattered about in the warzone Wario called a room. Luigi liked money, but Wario loved it.  
"A fancy aerographene surfboard that changes shape with the waves."  
Donkey Kong looked out the window at the rain pouring down, "I wouldn't recommend going right now Funky, I think the surf would be too rough."  
"Breaking news," said the man on the television. "We're receiving reports of a large airship on the Chimpansea Piers. The ship has been surrounded by enemy forces, who are attacking anyone in the vicinity. We urge everyone to leave the area or shelter in place."  
Donkey Kong sighed, "Kremlings."  
"What're Kremlings?" Luigi asked.  
"Never you mind. I'm going to take care of this. You stay here and stay safe. I'll deal with this overgrown gator po-boy."  
Donkey Kong disappeared into the distance.  
"How long should we wait before we follow him?" Mario asked.  
"I mean, give him at least, like, five minutes. It'd be rude to go any sooner," replied Wario.  
"Hey, uh, Junior, what's a Kremling?" Luigi asked.  
Donkey Kong Jr. replied, "Donkey not really know. Cranky say them's is crocodile people from Lost World. Seem very silly to Donkey."  
Jenny Kong spoke up, "Kremlings are the crocodile people we Kongs fought against long ago. During the Kremean War, Cranky and I helped fight back the tyrannical Kaizer K. Rool, and restored the old order to the Metro Kingdom. We'd hoped that with a new peace, Kongs and Kremlings would be able to live together harmoniously, but the Kaizer's son was unhappy, called himself King, and exiled the Kremlings back to Crocodile Isle where they've been ever since. I can scarcely imagine what horrible machinations King K. Rool has divised. Do try and be safe, and make sure Cranky comes back safely, too."  
"I'll stay here with mum, you guys help Cranky," Funky was a pacifist, and one wondered what could ever make him seriously think of adventure.  
"Y...yeah, I need to stay here and keep Ms. Jenny safe, too," Luigi stammered.  
"Oh no you don't," Wario replied, you're gonna swallow your fear and do this.  
Jenny smiled at her children, and the children she'd taken care of for so long, "You boys be safe. Ms. Donkey Kong can take care of herself."

The quartet was quite the sight. Each one in plumber's overalls, having not changed after work. The colors weren't coördinated, though, Mario in red and brown, Luigi in green and black, Donkey Kong Jr. wore just white suspenders with a J on the top next to the pockets. Wario wore magenta and yellow, because those had been the cheapest in his size in bulk. Wario might have had more strength than any of the others, but he also ran the slowest, so everyone followed behind him. Slowing down was the worst for Junior and Luigi who could have probably been more than halfway to the docks by now. Klaxon sirens blared from the scene. When they suddenly stopped, all four wondered whether or not Cranky had taken care of business. There was no such luck.  
They found the docks of the Chimpansea crawling with crocodiles, the Kremlings that Cranky had mentioned. There were all sorts in New Donk City, but none of them had seen so many crocodiles in one place before, especially not with so much homogeneity. Many were dark green crocodiles wearing epaulettes, but a few were different, not wearing matching outfits at all. In a very damaged M1 helmet, a large purplish brown crocodile with a yellow stomach and puffy nipples saluted the largest of the crocodiles. The largest crocodile wore only a red cape with gold embroidery and a gold crown. His chest looked gold but it was hard to see with his back to them. Unlike the other crocodiles, his tail was incredibly short, as though it had been cut off.  
"Wish we could hear what they were saying," Luigi mumbled.  
"Shh, quiet. I can read their lips." Wario replied.  
"They don't have lips," Luigi replied, before being shushed by the other three.  
"He's saying, 'Yes, your maliciousness, we have captured that fleabitten ape. The trap worked just like you said it would.'  
"The big one with the crown, probably King K. Rool is saying, 'Of course the plan worked, it was my plan. Now--" sorry, that's all she wrote, he turned away."  
"So, what are we gonna do?" Luigi asked.   
"Walk in there and just start bopping heads." Mario replied  
"This is serious Mario. This isn't a Famicom game! They got mouths, and rows of seratted teeth."  
"All in favor of idea of Mario?" Donkey Kong asked.  
"Aye," said everyone but Luigi.

The plan was pretty easy actually. The crocodiles fell over being punched, kicked, and jumped, and didn't bother getting back up from low morale. But they weren't much taller than Luigi, the big purple one from earlier ran toward them shouting, "Introuder!" He reached into a pocket on his belt and threw an orange at them. It missed and exploded behind the four.  
"Mamma mia..." Luigi said, even as the four ran toward the two Mario tall reptile.  
Wario punched the gator in the stomach which winded the kremling and a second punch keeled him over.  
"Shows how useful you are, Klump. Krusha! Klubba! Take care of these interlopers while I take care of Donkey Kong."  
Krusha was a full head taller than Klump had been, a bright blue in a camo wifebeater. He had hair in a small spiky mohawk on his head, which Luigi especially found odd given that he was a reptile and hair was a mammal thing, but he looked at them with a dead stare, not posing or posturing, just staring somewhere behind the four.  
Klubba however, was a full head taller than Krusha and he was holding a giant mallet of twisted wood, filled with nails. His skin was dark green, covered in a number of scars, stitched up by someone with a D- in Home Economics.  
Wario grinned at the large blue lizard, "Luigi, remember when you said professional wrestling is fake, and I was rotting my brain watching it?"  
"Y...yeah?"  
Wario grabbed one of Krusha's ripped theighs, "I'm gonna show you what Big Bama and Neutron B taught me."   
Krusha fell over, being caught off balance by Wario, and he thrashed with his claws. Wario knelt and picked Krusha's body off the ground, and within a few seconds, held him above his head.  
Mario, Luigi, and Junior surrounded Klubba, and tried to get pot shots in whenever his giant club moved. "Avast, ye damnable apes. Yer hurtin' fer a squirtin'." Junior punched his kidney, and the giant dropped his club.  
"Now!" Donkey said. Wario hefted Krusha onto Klubba knocking the pair out.

"That's-a that," Mario said, dusting off his hands despite being largely a distraction. "Now where'd K. Rool get off to?"  
K. Rool had left in a huff, and the gangplank to his airship hung open. They rushed in, unsure of what they'd find, and definitely not expecting cages upon cages of wild animals, a veritable zoo's worth of a menagerie. The cacophany was deafening from the calls and catterwalls, but one voice, high pitched and crying, sounding like a little child, rose above them all. That couldn't be Cranky, but it sounded ape-like and was definitely worth checking out.  
The voice came from a metal cage, sealed magnetically to expedite moving in and out. Inside a tiny monkey was crying. He couldn't have been very old, and it was unusual to see a monkey so young without its mom.  
"Hey little guy." Luigi said, "What's your name?"  
The monkey didn't reply, and looked at Luigi with apprehension and nervousness.  
"Him name Diddy," Donkey pointed to a metal plate riveted on the side of the cage with a serial number, 01004."  
"I think that's just the cage number big guy. Let's get him out of here. I bet his mom is worried sick. Still, how are we going to do that? There are a lot of cages here and I don't see any keys, so there must be a switch or button somewhere that opens the cages. Mario let's see if we can..."  
As Luigi droned on, Wario and Donkey Kong pulled at either side of the cage, deforming the bars until the cage was unable to retain its shape. The monkey jumped immediately onto Donkey Kong's back, as though he were his mother.  
"Okay, but we can't do that for all of them. And we can't keep him, that's apenapping."  
"Hey guys, I found the door, Cranky's probably this way!" Mario pushed the button to open the door, and all the animals' cages opened simultaneously, causing them to stampede out of the Flying Kroc onto the docs and city at large. "I mean, this is the button for the door," and this time it did open.

"What do you think you're going to do to me, K. Rool?" Cranky asked.  
"Why nothing at all. I'm about to let you go, in fact." K. Rool replied.  
"Really? Because it seems to me like you'd be undoing my restraints if that were the case?"  
"Oh don't worry, I'll undo them soon enough, once this ray is powered up, you'll go crazy and defeat your interloping children and destroy New Donk City's skyline."  
"How's it supposed to do that? I mean I've raised five kids, it'll have to do better than that."  
"On my technology, I'll defer to the expertise of Mr. X here."  
Mr. X was a pale albino alligator, with prosthetic hands, and no legs visible. K. Rool wasn't pleasant to look at, but Mr. X was pretty disturbing. "It is inconsequential that you understand how this machine works, as soon you won't understand anything at all."  
The rings around the bulbous tip began to light up one after the other and, suddenly, so did the tip and then, Donkey Kong Sr. couldn't remember anything.

Chapter 3  
With his parents working the nightshift, it was rare that Mario got to see them for more than a few hours each day. It was a big building, while everyone could have their own room, his parents shared a room as did he and Luigi. There were more rooms, and if there weren't more rooms, there were more buildings, but having a place to live after exile had been so much that asking for more would have been an imposition. He kept their accent but without them there as often, Cranky had been a second father, a friend, a teacher, and a mentor to Mario. If he didn't do something fast, Cranky would also end up being his executioner. The hulking ape lurched forward at the group, howling an animalistic growl.  
"Cranky! It's-a me, Mario! Snap out of it! He's-a controlling your mind!"  
The gorilla didn't respond. Mario's heart beat faster.  
"Remember this afternoon, when Pauline broke up with me? You reminded me about all the things I'd done?"  
Something clicked, the ape stopped and grunted through teeth, "Pauline!"  
"Yes, you remember! We were together so long, and I though she was my forever girl, but you remind me that I change, and change is very good!" Mario continued talking hoping to break whatever spell K. Rool had him under.  
"Pauline hurt Mario! Donkey Kong get Pauline back!" The ape punched through a door in the airship and jumped onto the pier, running off into the night.  
"Oh-a no!"  
"Mario and Donkey go after Cranky. Wario and Luigi stop crocodiles!"  
"Wait, we what?!" Luigi called, but Donkey, the diddy little monkey, and his brother were already running into the drizzling rain and darkness.  
The room was silent until the crocodiles began to laugh, "So what will you do now, humans?"  
"Wahaha," Wario laughed, "I've wrestled your biggest crocs already, you got nothin'!"  
"I think you should listen to your green friend. You'd should stammer seeing my eye!" K. Rool opened his left eye all the way, bloodshot and enlarged, like he'd been picking at it or, perhaps, hadn't washed his hands after wiping. "You better scurry, flee me, hurry, you'd better fly!"  
"Is it that eye tick?" Wario asked. "That's how you hypnotized Cranky isn't it? That's impressive. That gorilla is a stubborn old mule so color me impressed." Wario wiggled his eyebrows until he managed to desynch them from one another, mimicking the Kremling King.  
"I don't have time for this. With this last ingredient, my plan is finally almost over. Mr. X! Deal with these two."  
"Of course, sire." Mr. X's left hook pulled a lever on the wall and the floor fell out below them.

The fall hadn't been far, not that Luigi's rear could tell a difference. The lower bowels of the ship weren't as well lit, with only floodlights around the walls to illuminate corridors. Wario grunted while righting himself. The elven man was livid, more than he'd been in a while. Mario could be a bit of a jerk with his pranks and all, but this was just a bridge too far.  
"Rotten aligators! Wait until I get my hands on them!" Wario grumbled.  
"I think you'll find that to be a bit difficult," called a voice that sounded as if it had skipped being picked up by the ears and went straight to the brain. "You'll stay here until we've completed our potion and watched that mangy ape destroy his own city."  
"Where are you?!" Luigi's voice cracked.  
"Perhaps I'm here? Or I'm over here. The dead have no need for locality."  
"Dead?! You're a g-g-g-ghost?"  
"Does that bother you? Fill you with dread? Does the thought of the afterlife fill you with such disdain that you can't function? Dear me, if you could see your soul, you'd know how silly you are." The vision of Mr. X swiped at Luigi, not hitting him, but getting near close enough to make him step backwards.  
Wario ran sideways at the appirition, trying to smack him with his shoulder. "Blast it, I can't seem to hit him." He could see the fear in Luigi's body. His legs quivering, his breathing fast and laborious. "Snap out of it! If he could hit you, he would have!"  
"I! But I!"  
Wario wiggled his eyebrows until one eye grew larger, and he held Luigi's face close to his. "Obey me, Wario! You are getting veeeery greedy! You are Luigi Mario! You're very handsome! You have amazing powers! You can fight this ghost! Obey Wario, Luigi Mario!"  
Wario was never a good student in school. He couldn't quite figure out what was ever in any lesson for him, but when something had a practical application, he was a quick study. He would never use Cranky's chemistry knowledge because he never needed potions, but mathematics was super important so he could count his golden coins and with one demonstration from K. Rool, he'd managed to convince Luigi of things Wario never believed him capable of.  
"Very cute, naked apes, but you're still down here." Mr. X cackled, before having a hook seized by Luigi's gloved hand. "What--what are you doing?"  
Luigi started swinging the prosthetic, and thereby the ghost attached to it, in a circle. "Wild Swing-Ding; Fling!" Luigi let the hand go, like an olympian loosing the D-Ring of their weight, flinging Mr. X through the wall, leaving his hooks and a couple of medals behind.  
Wario gently punched Luigi's shoulder. "Not bad, you must like Neutron B as much as me." Wario collected the medals from Mr. X's cloak, not because he knew that would keep Mr. X from reforming, but because he wanted them. "Alright Luigi, keep that attitude up, it's time to take down that obese aligator." The ladder to the floor above wasn't hard to find and, of course there was a ladder. The latch wasn't even locked. Either K. Rool thought his ghoul was strong enough to detain them longer, or if his plan was so far in motion it didn't matter.  
The Kremling King was busy fiddling with something Wario couldn't see. Wario snuck up behind K. Rool, startling him, "Y'know the last time I fell that far, I broke the Foreman's ankle. You won't see him up playing golf anytime soon."  
K. Rool jumped back clutching in his hand a flask filled with a viscous neon red liquid. "How did you...?" K. Rool paused, "It doesn't matter, I've completed my greatest achievement. Once I've drunk this potion, I'll be the immortal emperor of the world!"  
Wario swiftly grabbed the flask, easily pulling it from K. Rool's slippery, printless hands. "You mean this potion?"  
"No, don't! I've put years of hard work into this!"  
"I'm gonna do it!"  
"Don't you dare!"  
Wario poured the potion down his throat, not attempting to taste it, possibly because he could smell it, and figured, it wasn't going to be a great experience if he did.  
"Spit it out! Spit it out NOW!" demanded K. Rool.  
"Heh, sorry, I've never vomited, and I'm not about to start now. I mean it's a waste to throw something up right after having eaten it!"  
K. Rool looked at Luigi, who shook his head, "It's true, I've never seen him throw up before."  
"Well," K. Rool changed his posture, ready to pounce, "If I can't have my potion, I'll at least have my revenge!"  
"Wahaha!" Wario laughed, preparing to just move out of the way and attack after he'd fallen. "Uh-oh!"   
The King brought down his full weight of his brass belly down on the interloper, crushing him flat. The shock of the moment brought Luigi to his senses. "Wario? WARIO!" Where his friend once was, only his hat covered the flattened body Luigi couldn't make much out, but mostly, couldn't understand why there was no blood.  
"Good riddence. It's of little consequence. I may not have my immortality, but I do at least have my revenge on Donkey Kong."  
"Luigi," called a voice, very low to the ground, very squished. "Think you could pull me out of this hole?"  
Wario hadn't died, not yet anyway, he was just a little, smashed, "Wario! How are you alive?" Luigi asked.  
"No idea, gimme a hand, will ya?" Luigi grabbed Wario's hand, and from the crater in the ground he'd made, Wario sprang up, legs coiled tightly. "Oh yeah, it's Wario time!" Wario contracted his spring body as far as he could, and loosed it out all at once in K. Rool's direction.  
"Mommy."  
"Wowie zowie!" Luigi whistled. "We need to get Cranky to check up on... CRANKY! Wario, we gotta catch up with Mario and Junior!"  
Wario was still reeling from returning to his form. It was worse than any hangover he ever had.  
"Let's... get you back to Mrs. Jenny."

Chapter 4

Jenny paced in the communal kitchen of the apartment complex. The Marios had woken up to eat some breakfast and get ready for work. Normally they'd be chatting with the Kong matriarch about the day's events, saying their goodnights to Mario and Luigi, and getting ready for another ten hour shift at the factory.  
"You'll waste away to bones, Jenny. It's Donkey Kong, he's unbeatable," said Mammi Mario.  
Jenny shook her head, "The Kremlings are bad news and King K. Rool? He's the worst of all."  
"Coraggio! Wasn't K. Rool a friend of yours or something?" Papi Mario asked.  
"It's complicated. During the Kremean War, Kaizer K. Rool overthrew Cranky's father, and took control of Donkey Kong Island and the whole Metro Kingdom. We probably couldn't have taken it back if it wasn't for the Kaizer's son betraying his own father, and that's with a coalition of Kongs, humans, and bears fighting the crocodiles back. K. Rool said he only wished to be king of his own people, and we believed him. We had to. I even helped to teach him the basics of politics. It just seems that he's never going to be satisfied."  
"Oh I hope the boys are okay," said Mammi.  
"If they're with Donkey, they're more than okay, Mammi," Papi reassured his wife.

With timing that couldn't be less appropriate, Luigi burst in the door, supporting Wario's girth. "Mrs. Jenny, you haven't seen Mario and Junior have you? Oh hi Papi, Mammi!"  
"Luigi! What happened!? Where's your brother?!" Mammi demanded.  
"That K. Rool guy hypnotized Donkey Kong and Mario and Junior chased after him. I thought he might have been back by now."  
"What happened to him?" Papi asked of Wario.  
"Not sure, he got a good walloping from the king and drank some nasty potion. I bet Prof. Donkey would know what it is for sure, but I guess Mario's still after him. Wonder where he is?"  
Funky called over from the living room, instead of coming there himself. His fur was bright pink, sure, but he wasn't very bright. "Hey Luigi, I think I know where he is."  
On the TV screen was intrepid reporter Jennifer Stevenson, reporting live from the construction site that would, in a year or so, be the town hall skyscraper. "The disturbance follows an incident at the Mayor's home earlier today."  
"This ape just broke into my living room, with these blood red eyes, grabbed my daughter and ran. I don't know what kind of monster this is." That was interesting. Mayor Wright was elected on a platform of gaining more autonomy from Donkey Kong Island and getting representation in the Shrewdness. As far as Luigi could tell, he and Cranky were completely at odds with one another. Throwing shade on him would be a huge PR victory for the mayor. Wait, did she say daughter? That's Pauline! Oh no!  
"Sorry Mammi, Papi, gotta run love you kisses!"  
"What a reckless child," Papi noted, pulling at the tip of his moustache.

"Help! Help!" shouted Pauline from the back of her captor.  
"It's okay, Pauline, we're getting closer," shouted Mario a girder below. Cranky had just climbed five stories; Mario knew he'd be feeling that in the morning. It wasn't easy to see but the old ape was starting to get on in years. That would make this extra difficult because Cranky would definitely give him a fight, but Mario might accidentally hurt him back.  
Noticing Mario's ascention, Cranky began pounding the structure with his feet, bending the girders on the floors below like they were made of balsawood, and knocking Mario on his butt. "Mamma mia, what in the world was that?"  
"Him using super duper simian slam. Very glad we down here," Donkey replied.  
"He wrecked the ladders. I'm gonna need to try and jump that high. Take Diddy and get out from under this, it's no place for a baby."  
Mario ran the length of a girder and a pulse of realization occured to him that he could do something if he tried, and maybe he should try it. It was odd but it could work, perhaps. Once he had clearance for the floor above him, Mario quickly skid to a stop and somersaulted sideways up to the next level and much to his surprise, it worked. The magnitude of his discovery didn't last. Seeing Mario make the clip up enraged the old monkey even more. A bevy of barrels sat neatly stacked next to the ape, for about as long as it took him to notice them. Donkey Kong grabbed one and tossed it, completely unimpressed with its slow descent, he kicked the stack sending them careening down to Mario below.  
Mario dodged them, and he wasn't sure how he dodged them. It was like he knew exactly where and when he needed to be, but the thought passed nearly as soon as it came, and suddenly, Mario was climbing the same floor as Donkey Kong. Pauline was half a floor up on an I beam attached at one end and unsecured at the other, though it might have been the safest place at this point.  
"Mario! What's wrong with Mr. Donkey Kong?" Pauline asked.  
"This reptile guy. He gave him the voodoo eyes and Donkey Kong goes crazy!" Mario then paused, "I think he did this because I was upset when he got home because we broke up."  
"That explains him just standing there, beating his chest."  
Ah, of course, Cranky was in there somewhere, trying to get out. There was no doubt in Mario's mind that if Cranky wanted him dead, he would be.  
"Cranky! It's-a me, Mario! I've known you my whole life! When our family needed a place to stay, you took us in, and you've always been as much my papi as Papi is! This is that lizard! He's done something to you!"  
A humming sound approached from the side of the structure, a tiny helicopter jetpack with a massive, bruised, reptile strapped to it. His face was worse for wear, that black eye in his bad eye, and the cracks in his armor, but still he hadn't given up yet. "He's too far gone, human. But you know, he's quite the danger. You should destroy him!" K. Rool's eye caught Mario's and his eyes too went red and his face lifeless.  
"Mario! No Mario don't, it's Donkey Kong!" Pauline shouted.  
But Mario couldn't hear her. Wish the precision of a machine, Mario found a rivet holding the beam up. He only came to his senses when the shift in balance knocked him off his feet. He grabbed the beam with his hands. "Oh no!"  
Donkey Kong staggered, losing his balance as well and finally coming to his senses. "What the, where am I?" he said moments before falling backwards.  
"Cranky!" Mario grabbed one of the big apes legs, but in doing so, his grip slipped. "I'm sorry, it's that crocodile!"  
K. Rool was gloating, cheering for the momentary victory headed his way.  
"Let go boy, or we'll both die!" Cranky insisted.  
"No!" protested Mario, but it mattered very little. Cranky swatted his hand away and fell all the way down to the construction site floor.   
"Oh ho, this I have to see for myself!" cackled K. Rool. He descended toward the ground to revel in his victory.  
Mario knew he couldn't let him get away with this, but Pauline still would need help down. He pulled himself up and jumped to her level, "You trust me, right? Climb on!"  
Pauline nodded and jumped on Mario's back. Mario ran down the now unstable structure, landing every jump just right, and making excellent time down the girders. He couldn't save Donkey Kong, but he would certainly make that crocodile pay. Though nearer the ground, a white and brown whoosh grabbed the falling gorilla out of the sky. Junior had saved his old man.  
"This is an outrage! This is impossible!" K. Rool trembled as Donkey Kong Jr. loomed over him. "But you want to help me. Obey me, King K. Rool! I am your master, Donkey Kong is your enemy!"  
Junior didn't say anything at first but gave K. Rool a strange glance, "No, Donkey am Donkey Kong. King K. Rool am enemy." Junior gave his namesake a look, and the two nodded in unison, and reeled back their fists.  
"Banana Slamma!"  
The crocodile flew into the heavens, shedding bits of brass on the impact.

"This is the most humiliating moment of my entire life." K. Rool nursed his bad eye with a bag of peas. Kritters were mending his brass belly, and he wouldn't have wanted to lug it around right now anyway.  
"Oh I dunno sir," said Klump, "I think you look very photogenic!"  
"Photogenic?! I'm being beaten up on the cover of the New Donk Times, the New Donk Post, and the Rattly Street Journal. They don't even have a photographer!"  
"Well look at it this way, no one is likely to ever forget the name King K. Rool. Unless there's some other king out there with the last name rool and a first name that starts with K.

Chapter 5  
"This is an outrage, a scandal!" shouted the Jungle King.  
The Mushroom King made weird subvocal noises that Donkey Kong hated more than being summoned halfway around the world for some fungi business. "I understand your reservation, Donkey Kong, but Kamek knows exactly where you live, and by not hiding your child, you'll put him more at risk every day."  
"I lost his mother, and I'm not losing him, nor his brother. If I can take care of my kingdom, I can take care of a bunch of Koopas. If this Kamek thinks I won't, he can ask Kaiser K. Rool. Oh wait, he CAN'T."  
"By the time your nation retaliated, Kamek could have what he wants."  
"And what DOES Kamek want?" Donkey Kong asked. "Do you know?" Donkey Kong looked at the shadowy wizard in the corner, "Do you?"  
"The Prognosticus is forbidden knowledge; none of our tribe were allowed to consult with it, only to keep it safe. Foreknowledge of the future is a danger to even those who wield it. Whatever is in the half of the Prognosticus Kamek has I can only speculate, however, what I know is this: Millennia ago, on the deaths of our great kings and queens, their souls became stars, and went to reside in Star Road. It was predicted, and this something which Kamek must have known too, that those spirits would reincarnate once more, granting their extrodinary powers once more to the realm of mortals. I have only been able to identify five of the children, so far. This one here," Merlon held up a small fat child with a bulbous red nose swinging wildly at the old shaman, "the Princess, the two Mario children, and your older son. That was why the Kamek's toadies kidnapped him, and it was only thanks to a commune of Yoshis that he was returned."  
"So, what? You gonna send the princess into hiding in the countryside? Make sure she doesn't touch any spindels?" sarcasm dripped form Donkey Kong's voice.  
"Her disappearance would be too high profile, but if Kamek gets one or two children, it will be fine as long as he doesn't get them all."  
"Tell you what, I'm the biggest, toughest ape in all the Metro Kingdom. Not only can I keep my boy safe, I'll keep all these boys safe. Mr. and Mrs. Mario, right?"  
"That's us," Mr. Mario was lanky, with a wide moustache with curls on the end. His eyes were closed, as he squinted at the massive gorilla. He was a working man, and it showed all over him. His wife had a head full of curly hair, covered in a bonnet. She was quite plump and her face was very full.  
"You were exiled from this kingdom, but you have a home in mine. Your family is mine and, as well," Donkey Kong reached over to Merlon and held the fat baby firmly under its arms, "So are you little, uh... hylian."  
"Mr. Kong, I very much disagree with your decision!" Protested the Mushroom King.  
"You take care of your kingdom, and I'll take care of mine," Donkey Kong said. He motioned to some other apes who had come with him, and spoke in their own language to flank the Marios. Jenny held his two unnamed grandsons as he struggled to get a firm grip on the other... human?  
Wario started up in bed. He was in the hospital, right he remembered now. They brought him there because they thought he had a concussion? But he didn't, but something else and they wanted to keep him for observation and something else...  
"It's about time you woke up. Having wild and crazy dreams were you?" In the bed next to him, Cranky was speaking to him. He had a neck brace on and an IV was running into a shaved part of his arm.  
"My dreams? But," Wario thought, "I wasn't the one who was asleep."

"For saving my daughter's life and stopping the evil plans of King K. Rool, by the power vested in me by the office of Mayor of New Donk City, I, William Wright bestow upon you, Mario Mario and Donkey Kong Jr. the key to the city."  
The keys were small little decorative things made of iron and coated in brass, it was pretty obvious from the weight they were, Mario knew how much brass should weigh, and this wasn't it. But the recognition was nice, though he'd've liked it if Cranky and Wario were there. They deserved recognition, too. Luigi had helped carry Cranky to the ambulance, but that wasn't fake fake gold key worthy.  
They really didn't have time for this, Wario was going back to work today for the first time in a week, and Funky decided to take the time to debrief Wario. Instead of his usual overalls, Funky was wearing a baby jumper, to keep Diddy Kong safe and secure. He was wearing one of Donkey Kong's hats, the ones he didn't care a jot for and refused to wear unless he was actually on a job. Right now he was preoccupied with a foam banana. "So thanks to you four business is busier than ever. We got so many coins comin' in we had to hire a whole slew of people."  
They passed the reception desk, where a young woman, around their age, sat between a bank of telephones and a Datapoint 2200, which was long out of date, but definitely a financially sound investment, which would have made Wario proud. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, to keep it out of her face as she stared at the tiny screen on her terminal. "Ms. Volt here does the scheduling. Over there," he pointed to an emaciated brunette man, "is Jimmy, he does payroll, also the office pool." We've had to hire more workers, buy new vans, you even have one now.  
"But, Funky, I can't-a drive."  
"No worries dude, we got you covered there too, we got drivers."  
"This is kind of overwhelming..."  
"They say time stays still for no man. Anyway, we think you should take it easy and get to know everyone. Don't want to over-exert yourself."  
"I appreciate it but, Funky, I gotta be honest, I've never felt stronger."  
Funky grinned, "That's good my dude. Keep it up!"

"Mario!" The voice was faint, and distant, echoing through an infinite corridor, "Mario, can you hear me?" Mario found himself at the foot of a staircase, and began ascending it. "My kingdom needs your help!" Along the walls were paintings of a blonde woman, roughly his age, with full pink lips and blue earrings. He began to run to find the end. "An evil king has taken over my kingdom and I am his prisoner. Save me, Mario." The paintings on the wall started to transform into a dragon-ox creature, the likes of which Mario could swear he'd never seen before.  
Mario woke up in a sweat. It was 7:44, he shouldn't be up for another sixteen minutes, but he was now. Who was that? It wasn't Pauline. He hadn't seen her in almost a week. Mario tried thinking about the woman in the dream again but couldn't remember her or what she was saying. That demon turtle, now that would haunt him.  
At the breakfast table he was surprised to find Wario there, already awake. Mario had been off on jobs all day yesterday and hadn't even seen Wario so much as in passing. Today he'd be on Mario's crew with Luigi and Junior. Funky was ostensibly taking paternity leave, so he could pick up chicks with his new status as a single father.  
Mario poured a bowl of cereal and cut up bananas in it. He didn't have to cut up bananas in it, and probably didn't even care for cut up bananas in his corn flakes, but there were just so many bananas in the apartment it seemed a waste not to.  
"Wario! It's-a good to see you!"  
"Weh..."  
"Oh hey, your stache is-a comin' in."  
Wario rubbed his upper lip. Mario was right. Wario had always been kind of ashamed of his baby face, but now the tell-tale stubble of a stache was finally coming in. It wasn't very regular, but that was a nice feeling. Heck, it was a great stache! Better than Mario's even.  
"Things are really changing fast. Business is booming, you're getting hair now. Oh how was work?"  
"It felt very odd. I get out of the hospital and it's like I have a different job," Wario said. "How much are we making now?"  
"About 50,000 coins a week."  
"Mein gott! Forget that meloncholy, we're in it now! Wahahaha!"  
"I thought you'd enjoy hearing," the phone began to ring in the kitchen. Mario was quick to pick it up, "Donkey Kong residence, Mario Mario speaking." Phone manners were very important to Mario.  
"Mr. Mario? Oh thank goodness you're there. Your business hadn't opened for the day but Pauline had your home number handy."  
"Mayor Wright? What's wrong? You sound very exasperated."  
"Mario, we've got a problem in the power station. Something's gumming up the plumbing. There are a lot of creatures blocking them, and the Power Plant can't ciphon energy from the moons without the coolant flowing. You'll need to access it with the manhole at the intersection of K. Rool on Rambi Street."  
"Got it, we'll get there ASAP, Mr. Mayor. Wario! Go wake Junior, I'll get Luigi, we've got a city contract!  
"We can bill them for the hours we're just eating or sitting around playing Game & Watch!" Wario exclaimed.  
"Spoken like a true contractor!"

The network of piping under New Donk City was truly a sight to behold, and anyone who spent most of their adult life in construction and plumbing would take their hats off at the sight to just stare in its awe, if time wasn't of the utmost importance.  
"Oh just a little longer Luigi."  
"No, we had better get to it. So the electricians down here are reporting giant turtle, creepy crabs, fighter... flies? Am I reading this right? Geeper Jipes. I mean, who has ever heard of such things?"  
"Not really Donkey's business but," Junior pointed his flashlight into the shadows, "Maybe it that?"  
The shadows scared Luigi more than anything else, the creatures forms projected behind them. He screamed, only a little. The creatures stared at them, but movement from behind pushed them further forward. They seemed completely nonplussed by the presence of the four and continued into the darkness and from there, to wherever else.   
Mario pointed to one of the larger green pipes in the back, "They're all coming out the pipes."  
"I guess you're going to voulenteer us to go in there and--" Luigi started.  
"Luigi and I will check the pipe out, seems big enough for a person. Wario, you and DK man the wench and if we radio you about trouble, you pull us back, okay?"  
Wario nodded.  
The sidesteppers and shellcreepers parted as the brothers approached and disappeared into the pipe. Wario and Donkey Kong Jr. had become deeply engaged in a game of Boxing on the Game & Watch that neither really noticed how much time had passed. Wario called for the brothers on the radio, "You guys are being awfully quiet, what's going on down there?"  
No reply.  
"Cheap Shiverian walkie talkies! Distance of 5 kilometers my foot! Oh well, like it or not, they're getting wenched. Junior, pull the lever."  
Junior nodded and what returned to them was the frayed end of the brothers' nylon ropes.  
But, at least, the bugs had stopped pouring out of the hole.

"Ah crap, ah jeez, Cranky is gonna kill me when he finds out." Wario had started wearing a hole in the living room floor.  
"When I find out what?" Donkey Kong asked as the entered from the foyer.  
"Okay so, this is totally not my fault but, we were down in the Power Plant, investigating these turtles, and Mario and Luigi went to check out a pipe. When they didn't show back up, I pulled the wench in, and they weren't attached to the rope! I couldn't figure out what pipe they went down and... so ein mist!"  
Donkey Kong sighed, "Wario, it's not your fault. I guess I should explain something to you. You should probably wake their parents, they'll wanna know."

Chapter 6

"Twin brothers from the Kingdom in the East  
Moustachioed faces and big button trousers  
Colorful clothing that's darling as flowers.  
Recklessly bold and the other a coward  
Shall have the strength to topple King Bowser."

"Wait," said Wario, "THAT'S a prophecy? You know I love you like a father, but that is the dumbest poem I've ever heard."  
"Well, I didn't write it, smartass, the ancients did. You wanna complain about their meter, take it up with them. Oh wait, you can't, 'cause they're dead."  
"Um, Donkey still not sure what this all about."  
"Oh Junior, you sweet summer child. I often lie awake at night wondering if Kamek's Toadies dropped you on your head."  
"Kamek is who, exactly?" Wario asked.  
"We should answer that," Mami replied. "When you were all babies, the evil Magikoopa Kamek kidnapped you all, because magical prophecies surround you, Wario, and Donkey. That poem was one Kamek thought referred to Mario and Luigi, and so to escape his gaze we fled to the other side of the world through the pipe you saw Mario and Luigi enter."  
"So, what's my magical destiny?" Wario asked.  
"We don't know," Donkey Kong replied, with a bit of anger in his voice. The book of prophesies, the Prognosticus, was split in two by Kamek. Certainly he'd've taken the whole thing if he could, and who knows why he couldn't.  
"And all this is why the Mushroom King exiled us?"  
"Ye--wait who told you that?" Donkey Kong asked.  
"No one, I'm going back to work. If Mario and Luigi are off on some magical destiny I've gotta move the teams around or... something."

It was a dark and moonless night on the otherside of the world when the brothers arrived. It took a bit to notice they were, in fact, outside of the pipe maze and when they did realize it, neither could find the pipe they'd exited from or remember where it was.  
"Oh-ho noooo..." Luigi whined. "Did we fall asleep? Have we just been walking through pipes for so long we forgot what time it was?"  
Mario, more clear headed, called into his radio, "Hey, uh, Wario, what time is it? We're outside but it's all dark and," Mario crunched at the parched ground with his foot, "deserty." No response came from the other end, but Mario seemed completely nonplussed by it. "Okay, let's climb to the top of that hill and see if we can spot anything!"  
Far above the twins in the moonless sky, the stars twinkled, looking almost closer than they had ever been, with no light pollution from the city, Luigi felt like a part of him was out there in the great cosmos, a piece of himself he'd never known before. Cranky had talked about the jungle like it was the best place in the world, but they lived in the city for the schools and because New Donk City was a place for humans and kongs to live side-by-side. In the jungle they'd be the only humans around. Cranky had given up a lot to take care of them, but they were adults now, and why Cranky hadn't kicked them to the curb, well, one could only assume that the old ape did love them. The magic of the moment was immediately interrupted by Mario.  
"There, Luigi! I see a light coming from that building! Maybe they have a phone we can use!"  
Luigi found it funny, how he was both terrified, and energized and excited to be here. The ground cracked under his feet and it felt more real, somehow, than the pavement. If he had the van, they'd drive to the castle in no time, but walking, for some reason, that felt like a nice idea. Whatever Mario was thinking, Luigi could only imagine, but he must have been enraptured too, because he said nothing until the light of the building was nearby.  
It was a tiny little tower, two stories tall, but made entirely of red agate or some other naturally red stone. The doorway was dark, but the second floor had light bright enough to have beckoned them there and about a dozen moths to boot.  
"Hello! Is anyone home?"  
A rattling sound came from the floor above, and with no door to forbid their entry, the brothers sallied forth into the darkness. It sounded a bit like someone saying "Noko" over and over but it was too faint for them to be certain. Soon footsteps could be heard from the farside, of shoes stepping on stone.  
The lights turned on, though not how one might expect. Not incandescent lightbulbs radiating away in their argon prisons, but candle fires on the wall, lit all at once as though a dozen matches had struck, but without the brimstone smell. They illuminated two scaly beaked faces in leather helmets. For their money, they seemed to be turtle people which, given some of the oddness the two had seen, didn't surprise them as much as its sudden revelation, "Who are you?"  
"Hi!" said Mario, significantly less put off by any of this. "I'm Mario, and this is my brother Luigi and we're the Mario Brothers!"  
"I've never heard of a Mario Brother," said one.  
"I've met Boomerang Brothers," said the other  
"Fire Brothers,"  
"Ice Brothers,"  
"Yo-Yo Brothers"   
"Busniess Brothers,"  
"Sledge Brothers"  
"And that lonely Thorn Brother who ran off with the Brown Sugar Pirates."  
"But I ain't never met a Mario Brother before."  
"Well, then I'm glad to be the first!" Mario extended a hand to shake their claws and waited on them to reciprocate. But it never came before a thud and shrill cry for help came from the floor above.  
"Help! I've been captured by these hammer weilding thugs! Get out, or, no, better yet, save me then get out!"  
"You uh," Luigi let the midvowel hang, "Got a real rat problem, huh?"  
The turtles looked at one another before diving to catch and restrain the brothers. Luigi sidestepped one of the Hammer Bros., who skid to a stop on the floor. Mario jumped and, unable to coördinate his landing, landed on the other Hammer Bro., kicking him free of his shell. Mario picked the shell up, intending to toss it back to its owner, one way or another, but ended up dropping it instead as a pair of wooden hammers headed straight for the brothers. The one intended for Luigi missed, but Mario caught one in midair, twirling it in place to lose some momentum. In doing so the hammer connected with its owner's shell and vaulted towards the Hammer Bros., and the door.  
"No! I still have 14 more months on that shell!" yelled the beached Hammer Brother.  
"I told you that was a scam!" His brother shouted as the ran off into the distance after the careening shell.  
Luigi picked up the fallen hammer and examined it. Wood hammers had their uses, and this one hadn't seen much wear or, if it had, it wore it extremely well. A horned beast adorned the cheek and a "Koopakraft" logo was burned on the handle, above the grip. "Wowie zowie, that's some craftsmanship. There's hardly any splintering on the polls."  
"It is nice," Mario admitted. "That was a really well timed rat."  
It dawned on Luigi he had kind of forgotten about that voice in the excitement of his new tool. "I'm betting the owner of this building is still upstairs. Let's go check on them."  
Rolling around the floor and pushing out the sides of the burlap bag, a flurry of raspy grunts and swears bounced around knocking into things in an effort to get free.  
"Hey, hold still there little guy, we're gonna get you out." Luigi assured the captive.  
The bag's occupant immediately stopped rolling and stayed still until the miller's knot was undone and the tower's light filtered in. The rescuers looked a little shocked at the bag's former occupant though, perhaps, not as shocked as they should be. They'd seen a lot of weird things, after all.  
The rescuee dusted off his arms and shirt, took off his caving lamp and tested that it still worked before putting it back on or even acknowledging his rescuers. "Well, no worse for wear, very grateful you gentlemen came when you did."  
"Uh, question," said Luigi, "who are you?"  
"Ah my manners, Captain Kinopio Toad of the Toad Brigade, pleasure to make your acquaintances."  
"Mario Mario," replied Mario because the Captain gave his full name.  
"Luigi," replied Luigi.  
"Luigi Luigi?" asked Captain Toad.  
"No, Luigi Mario, we're the Mario Brothers!"  
"Ah, that's right, you did say that. Awfully brave of you two taking on a couple of brigands like those Hammer Bros. Say now, don't suppose the two of you would be amenable to helping me out?"  
"Honestly, Captain, we're not sure where we are," Luigi replied. "Some creatures were pouring out of the city's underground piping, and the next thing we know, it's night."  
"Ah, sounds like you two are plumbers. You really should be keeping a map, you know. It's hard to remember where these pipes go sometimes. Althought, I'd wager there aren't many pipes that go through the entire planet, but here you are. Fascinating. Well, I won't ask you to risk yourselves. The safety of the princess is my responsibility alone."  
"Princess?" asked Mario.  
"Yes, our regal ruler, Princess Peach Toadstool. I was visiting my family in the Fungus Federation when I received the news that dastardly King Koopa had absconded with her and transformed the citizens into stone. Indeed I might never have known without the quick thinking of my brigade. However they've gone missing too, and I suspect the turtle tribe have captured them as well."  
"Luigi," Mario said.  
"Oh no! We can't get involved in foreign affairs! Cranky will tan our hides!" Luigi cried for a minute, but the look on Mario's face told him everything he needed to know. "I suppose though, he did teach us to be heroic in the face of tyranny."  
"That's the spirit. For now, though, let's make base here and we'll reconnoiter the surrounding lands at sun up."  
What the brothers saw when the sun peaked over the horizon they could never have fathomed. A vast windswept wasteland was laid out before them, the dry ground cracked into irregular hexagons as far as the eye could see.  
"Trust me when I say this boys, this isn't what it should look like."  
"Where even is this Princess Toadstool?" Luigi asked.  
The captain hemmed and hawed and tried his best to look cool for a 4 foot tall mushroom with a voice nearly in the hypersonic range. "Well, this is an outpost, so there's likely a real fortress three clicks away. Indeed I believe it to be my brigade's last known position. So boys, are you ready for an adventure?"  
Mario replied, "Let's-a go!"


End file.
